Well, at least I know I'm on the right track...

So I worked really late last night again doing AC/Gaffer work which is always a joy. Got home at 3:30am and ate a bowl of cereal before heading to bed next to a phlegm filled and very sick girlfriend. Slept a good 7 hours and besides my back feeling a bit like it's being snapped in half I don't feel all that bad. But I was troubled by this crazy epic dream I had.

The dream was this: I was with my friend Tyler and we were in San Diego both walking around with our Digital SLRs, I believe the Canon 5d (something definitely on my wish list) but it's not important. We were working for someone, I'm not sure who, but we basically had to gather a bunch of stock images, and it wasn't just a fun photography shoot. There was the element of a deadline and the ever present anxiety about hoping what images you capture will be well received and liked (think how you felt in high school everyday when you were getting dressed).

At first I was doing well, and we were having a blast. We stopped at some taco stand, had a great taco, then took pictures of the tacos and head out to catch a quick beauty shot of the sea as the sun set over the horizon.

Then we were back at an office cubicle setup trying to download some images and catchup. This is when I realized I am a retard. I apparently wasn't shooting images, but rather small video clips of the things I was seeing. In other words, I didn't know how to use the camera.

As is often the case in dreams, I was quickly whisked away again to being on location and trying to shoot. But the anxiety overcame me and I couldn't shoot anything. Not only was the technology of the camera so overwhelming that I felt like I was incapable of using it, I felt as if every time I looked through the lens, or saw the viewfinder of what I had just shot it looked like something a total amateur had snapped. A glance at Tyler and the disappointment and frustration on his face was enough to send me into a panic. And with this panic is how I woke up.

I still consider this a good dream though. It's just my subconscious screwing with me and keeping me humble. I know that when I shoot, good images are generally produced, and ironically I'm sure Tyler himself would agree with that. It has to do with my uncertain future. As I delve further down into the rabbit hole of a career in creative endeavors there is always going to be some trepidation about performance. If you didn't have this, it probably means you don't care enough. And it probably means you aren't on the right track. This anxiety is like a sign post, as is most fear in our lives. If you go for the things you fear you'll not only conquer them but you'll also usually be surprised at how NOT frightening it actually was.

So once the panic subsided and all I could focus on was the horrible pain in my back, still present as I scribe this, I know that small fear of failure for the short films I've written and will be directing, or the photography work I have coming up, or the design work, or the writing, or anything, is completely unfounded and only exists because of an irrational fear.

So, off I go, into the uncharted... facing my fears, one at a time.

Dealbreaker

DEALBREAKER is someplace you should visit regularly.

http://dealbreaker.tumblr.com

Oh yeah, August 11th... you might recognize that guestbreaker.

Matt Jackson

Matt Jackson asked me what the deal is with this blog? Do I only post once a month? Since its inception, Raphe, you've only posted 5 posts, and well, each one in a different month.

So, this post makes at least 2 in one month.

In your face Matt Jackson!

How to NOT compete when down and out in a terrible economic situation!

This morning as I'm lying in bed trying to push away the day with a few more hours, maybe even just a few more minutes of sleep, my girlfriend is on the phone talking about something with her mother. Now, it's important to note that when my girlfriend speaks with her mother it all sounds like gibberish to me. Mainly because she is Polish, and well, I don't speak Polish. I make out the words, 1993, Ford, and Taurus. I'm slowly pulled out of my sleep as my brain tries to wrap around what they are talking about.

Then the conversation ends. "Bye Mamo!"

Silence surrounds me and I start to fall back asleep.

Beep. Beep beep beep beep beep. She's dialing the phone.

Turns out she is calling Chrysler dealerships back in Michigan where her parents live to inquire about the C.A.R.S. or "Cash for Clunkers" program offered by the Federal Government as an incentive to buy new, more fuel efficient vehicles. The deal is you get up to $4,500 cash rebate from good old Uncle Sam when you trade in a "Clunker." (Certainly a '93 Taurus would qualify).

Now, my girlfriend at this point is calling Chrysler for 2 reasons. Primarily she is calling because her father happens to work for Chrysler back in Michigan and they would like to support the company (thus ensuring further his pension and retirement). Secondly she has heard that they are going above and beyond the regular stimulus of $4,500 maximum and matching whatever the Government qualifies you for. So, by that rational then, you can expect as much as $9,000 off. A sure good way to move some product and perhaps put a spike into the sales of Chrysler that will hopefully enable them to scrape their asses off the pavement.

Or so one would think.

As I listened to her talk to various dealerships, one after the other until about the 6th or 7th one, I realized a trend. Her phone calls weren't very long and some of them ended quite abruptly. I wondered if this was just a misconception on my part caused from the somewhat semi-lucid state I was in; drifting in and out of sleep and all.

Low and behold, I was not imagining things. Each time she called a Chrysler dealership the conversation was quick and to the point. One went something like this:

Hi, I'm calling to see what cars you have in stock that qualify for the cash for clunkers program.

(Short Pause)

Just the vans then?

(Very short pause)

Oh, you're too busy to look...

A beep as she hit the off button on the phone. Apparently they hung up on her.

So call after call to the Chrysler dealerships led to nothing but frustration.

A few minutes later she decided to move on to a local Ford dealership. Her first call was drastically different from her others. A nice gentleman in sales answered the phone and spoke with her until she decided she had enough info. He informed her that they had a ton of vehicles in stock that qualified, from the Fusion to the Eclipse Hybrid SUV. He also told her that he'd have to look more specifically into the car (the '93 Taurus) when she came in to see the exact rebate that they'd likely get. She explained to him that she was merely calling on behalf of her parents who live in Michigan and he offered his name and extension so that if they wanted to contact him personally or come visit and explore options he'd be more than happy to show them. She hung up fairly satisfied, and even a little more mystified about her experiences with Chrysler.

Now I'm not trying to write this blog as a sort of advertisement of Ford and how great they are in comparison to Chrysler, although certainly the experience today could lead one to that conclusion. What I want to say about it is bigger.

We obviously are going through tough economic times and Chrysler along with the rest of the American car companies has probably been hit the hardest. We always have to ask ourselves why we are in these situations. Many theories exist and it's probably a combination of a great many things that have led us down this road. I believe the primary reason we are in such an economic downturn is that corporate greed and profit have become too high a priority since the Reaganomics era of the 80's. There is always a balance in capitalism between serving the customer and profiting off of them. The latter, has of course been far too emphasized as we boomed as recently as 5 years back. Companies put profits before their customers and cut corners and took advantage in areas where they could skimp on the quality of their products and at the same time up the cost to the consumer. This unbalance leaves us with CEO's that make $7,000 an hour while John Q Bluecollar is laid off at home with no health insurance.

To me, this has been a wide spread problem amongst American companies, sparing a few companies that still hold ideals of good honest and ethical business on high. The silver lining in this economy for me at least is that hopefully it will restore a bit of balance to the delicate business of capitalism. My hopes are that companies who take the time, like Ford did today, will triumph because they truly become, a better way to buy, and a better product. Whereas companies, as Chrysler showed itself today, will diminish. It is ever so important to treat your customers with respect, especially when they don't have much money and have a billion different choices of where to buy their car or other items.

Now I know that perhaps today was a crazy day for Chrysler dealerships in Michigan and that perhaps those sales reps are struggling to keep their jobs alive and can't take the time to talk to one person from California on the phone, who clearly isn't going to be buying today. I also recognize that the entire brand identity of a company like Chrysler does not reflect solely outward from the sales department. However, I believe in an idealistic utopian stance of capitalism. Treat EVERY customer with respect, no matter what, because ultimately it's good for the company. Who knows, maybe she would have talked to the first guy at Chrysler she connected with and he was super helpful. Then she tells her mom to go in there and trade in the car, they do. And wouldn't you know it, he extends the same level of courtesy to her mother as he did to her on the phone. This bit of info, making her mother happy, travels back to her and she decides that her lease for her car is up soon and maybe she'll support Chrysler too and get one of her own. Then, maybe I follow suit, because hey, Chrysler treats you right. Sure, it's a little far fetched. But that's the idea. You never know how your interaction with one person will have an effect on several others. So play it safe and assume all your interactions will come back to you in one way or another.

Dialogue Exercise

Steve puts the dishes away, clanking them on just about every surface imaginable.  His roommate Joe sits at the counter nibbling on some pretzels watching the spectacle before him.

"So I saw Suzy today," Steve said out of nowhere.

Joe, still chewing on a pretzel opens his eyes wide, pushing his eyebrows up on his forehead and connects eyes with Steve.

"She asked about you," Steve said.

"I can't believe I'm still alive," Joe said.  "I've never drank as much as I did last night in my life."

"No shit," Steve exclaimed.

"So what did little miss Suzy have to say about me?" Joe asked.

Steve cleared his throat.

"I bet she didn't say anything."

Steve turned his back to Joe and continued unloading some plates from the drying rack.

"I remember very little of what she said," Steve said.

"God, there is a lot of dishes," Joe remarked.

"Do you really want me to tell you what she said?" Steve asked, looking directly at Joe now.

"I used to believe she cared for me and that she actually even loved me once."

Joe spun his fingers around the rim of the fruit bowl sitting on the counter.  It was odd that they even had the fruit bowl since neither one of them had purchased fruit in ages.  Now the bowl just sat there collecting dust, two black bananas sagging into its recess, gravity taking its toll.

"You don't think she ever loved you?" Steve asked rhetorically.

Joe picked up the bananas and held them up, inspecting them before placing them back in the bowl and pushing his finger into one of them, ripping its skin and pushing pulp out like a tube of toothpaste.

"You know," Steve started, "I remember when we had that party a while back.  The one where you were running around in your underwear.  She was there, and when you first ran by in your undies she was talking to me.  You know what she said?  She looked right at you as you passed and then looked up right at me and said, 'That's the guy I'm gonna marry some day.'  I remember feeling so jealous of what you two had at that moment."

"You never told me that before," Joe said, now looking up at his friend.

Steve just looked back down at the dishes and shrugged his shoulders a bit.  Joe could sense something had changed inside him and maybe he was imagining things but he could swear Steve's eyes were a little misty.  Steve turned on the water and ran the first of the plates under it, scrubbing the caked on cheese off.

A Comic I Made

Observe and Report

I'm not usually one to write reviews about movies I've seen.  I find critics opinions never align with mine and some of the worst movies I've seen have been so highly toted (see "A History of Violence) by critics and others that I even start to think that maybe I'm just wrong.

But then I remembered, its only opinion, and isn't that the whole point, the very idea of this blog?  Oh yeah, if you're one of those people who don't like to read things with spoilers in them and you actually intend on seeing this movie, then don't read the below.

Suffice it to say the film was not to my tastes.  I was expecting a departure from his normal roles for Rogen which was probably the main reason I even decided to go see this film opening night.  In a sense the role was a tad different for Rogen.  In most films he's played something of a young stoner-loser guy who is faced with a-typical life decisions and must force himself to mature in order to change.  In Observe and Report, Rogen again is a loser of sorts, living with his dead beat Alcoholic of a mother, and working as the head of mall security.  He doesn't really have a problem with where he's at until a "pervert" comes into the picture flashing his genitals in front of women in the parking lot, which spawns an idea of being a crime fighter and eventually the desire for Ronnie, played by Rogen, to try and become a Police Officer.

Along the way we learn that he's pseudo in love if not obsessed with Brandi, one of the make-up counter girls played by Anna Faris, who is one of the flashers victims thus sparking a main catalyst for Ronnie to be "the hero."  Sounds like a decent enough start and this is basically what one would assume from seeing trailers or watching Comedy Central specials on the film.  I certainly did.

I also gathered that this was intended to be kind of a dark/gross-out comedy written and directed by Jody Hill, formerly of The Foot Fist Way.

I'm kind of big on expectations.  When a movie gets too hyped, even if it's good, I will somehow usually be dissapointed.  This being the case, some of the best movies I've ever seen have been ones I had no idea about before seeing them.  I can remember walking into the theater to see this weird movie called Memento and walking out with my mind blown, returning several times in the ensuing month to see it again.

Now, my expectations of this movie weren't high, but I always have a problem with movies when they are marketed incorrectly.  I was reading somewhere, I don't know where, maybe something by David Mamet, where he said that the marketing of feature films now days is such a huge part of the movie going process.  In a sense trailers exist to not only advertise the movie itself, but also to serve as genre cues so that we the audience know what to expect when we go see it.  If we see the trailer for a movie like Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, for example, we know what to expect:  A way too tanned Matthew McConaughey getting into various shenanigans as bachelor and eventually find his way around to being a respectable man.  We also know that this will be sappy, it'll be funny in parts (if you are into that), and by golly, I'll bet he'll leave the film with a better understanding of women than where he was at the beginning.

My problem with Observe and Report is that is was marketed as a comedy.  I did know, from watching the Comedy Central special that it was "dark" and that there were some gross out type images in there, but that is to be suspected ever since we saw the beans above the frank in There's Something About Mary.  If you go into Observe and Report, thinking of watching another dark comedy, like I did, you will be sorely disappointed.  Most who know me know that I'm big on dark and cynical humor.  I find things funny that most don't.  But the graphic images in Observe and Report were too much for even me.  And at least in my theater I wasn't alone.  The shrieks and oohs when we see Brandi passed out, vomit on her mouth with a passionate Ronnie humping away, were not "oh ha ha" they were more "oh thats messed up."  

Then there was the end which was the capper so-to-speak.  Yes I'll spoil it for you.  As the streaker runs in slow motion, penis dangling everywhere for the better part of 5 minutes mind you, he approaches a frightened Brandi.  There's a back and forth montage which is pretty funny as Anna Faris' face lights up in horror at the oncoming naked man.  Then just as you would expect a slow motion Ronnie jumping from screen right tackling the pervert, BAM!  Ronnie steps in with a gun, fires a shot into the chest of the pervert forcing him to fly back on the ground blood going everywhere.  Yah, it was like standing in line to kiss the pretty girl at the carnival and instead of a kiss you get a nice punch right in the nose.  

Aside from the gratuitous violence and sexual images the overall tone of the movie was pretty depressing to me.  It was a little too real.  The scenes with his mother made you almost want to cry because Celia Weston's performance was so good it was like watching an episode of intervention where someone is just falling into the depths of alcoholism.

So why do some dark comedy's work and this one didn't for me?  It all boils down to the juxtaposition of darker elements and the comedic aspects.  The funny lines and characterizations where provided by a cast, not too mention entirely given away in the trailer, and were nothing new.  We see Anna Faris doing what she does and being funny, then Rogen of course doing what he does albeit with a little more depth this time.  The point being, the comedy was a little too slapstick and light for the dark subject matter of the film.  It would be like watching In The Bedroom staring the cast of The 40 Year Old Virgin adding in some funny one liners.  You might get some funny performances, but overall it'd probably leave a bad taste in your mouth.

There was one upside to the film for me. That was the soundtrack.  A lot of great music played.  There was even a moment I did laugh out loud.  I was sitting there watching the film with this feeling in my mind, and I was trying to come up with how I felt.  Then at some point Rogen's character holds a picture of the flasher's penis up for the audience to see, and then licks it and puts it on his forehead.  Later in the film it hit me.  I thought, "this is what the kids seeing the new Disney movie in Fight Club must have felt like when flashed a picture of a big juicy cock."  The laughter came when I realized this and the 1988 Pixies song "Where Is My Mind" (apparently according to one source performed by City Wolf for this movie), made famous for the end credits song of Fight Club, comes on towards the end of the film.  Now that made me laugh.

The First Post

I'm starting this blog today.

My hopes are that it serves as an outlet for all those things that eat at my brain.
Sometimes, they'll be random.
Sometimes, they'll be so latent with brutal self deprecating honesty that it might even hurt the reader.
Maybe I should put a disclaimer on here?

[Warning: Reading this might invoke such strong feelings of empathy that you yourself (the reader) will turn into a cynical self loathing bastard just like the author. Read at your own risk.]

My hopes are, besides of course the obvious: That I can entertain, tickle, maybe even wow my reader. And I mean reader in the singular sense... I'm not so cocky to assume that anyone besides, well, one person will read this. I think that's fairly obvious. Unless of course you are dense or a very literal person. In which case, it is painfully obvious, or at least should be, that being that this is on the Internet, two people reading simultaneously word by word is next to impossible and the mere possibility of such assumptions are mind boggling. Unless of course someone is reading this over your shoulder as you read it, which is just plain annoying and you should slowly, as to avoid notice, push your chair back to push them out of your space. If your chair doesn't have wheels on it, buy one tomorrow that does, and for today maybe just fart if you can do so quietly.
But I digress.
You should probably get used to digressions by the way.
They'll be common place.
My original point being, if I had one, that ultimately I want to have someone so important, so influential, so powerful, read this very blog, see my words for their true genius, give me a book deal, and systematically lay down the foundation for the future that I want. My girlfriend would tell me, this is stupid. Probably will tell me this is stupid. Not the blog, but the idea that someone will just come and hand out to me all that which I desire. Clearly, she doesn't believe in the Genie in the Lamp.
At any rate. I hope you enjoy. Who ever you are. I can't always promise that this will be "right up your alley." I know a lot of people that find me, and my opinions, to be quite annoying. In fact, I've been told several times that I'm the type of person who, like a wordy piece of classic literature sitting on your bookshelf missing its dust jacket, gets better the deeper you get into it. I promise you that if you judge me by my plain cover and title, you'll surely be disappointed. Likewise, if you were to turn to some random page (in my brain perhaps), you might find a gem, or a total piece of dung. Hopefully, I'll be able to sort out my thoughts and give you only the gems. If you think it's dung, well, maybe that's just your opinion and to you I stick out my tongue and make that farting noise.

Raphe